


Falling Slowly

by rudennotgingr



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-02-12
Packaged: 2018-01-12 01:34:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1180335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudennotgingr/pseuds/rudennotgingr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose is feeling down after the parallel world, the Doctor tries to cheer her up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Slowly

**Author's Note:**

> Written for thedoctordanceswithrose, unbeta'd.

Rose breathed deep, the feel of time stretching out endlessly before her, just beyond her fingertips, making her feel small. Tiny. Unimportant. The vast emptiness of space sat just below her as her feet swung slowly back and forth, walking on the stars. She gripped the door frame of the TARDIS loosely, part of her almost wanting to fall, to float away and let the numbness swallow her whole.

Long fingers encircled her wrist, anchoring her down. The cooler temperature of his skin was a slow shock to her system, ice creeping through her veins and up her arm, making her shiver. She knew who it was, after all, he had brought her out here. The Doctor had found her in the library, staring blankly into the fireplace. Her book had been long forgotten and lay in her lap, resting against slack fingers. He had pulled her, half carried her really, out here and set her down carefully on the TARDIS floor. He had held on to her shoulders for a time, presumably to make sure she wasn’t going to tip over the edge, and knelt behind her in silence.

At some point he had let go, leaving her to the bleakness of space and the continued downward spiral of her thoughts. She wasn’t sure how long he had left her alone. It could have been days...it could have been seconds.

Loss after loss after loss played through her head. Each person they had failed to save, each population they had to sacrifice for the greater good...each life willingly laid down in order to spare another’s. Some of them, she didn’t know at all, just a number in the grand scheme of things. Some were people she had briefly met, giving names to the endless parade of faces. And still others had become close friends. Regardless of how close Rose had gotten to them (or not at all in some cases), each life that had been snuffed out was an open wound on her heart, healing slowly only to be ripped open larger and anew.

The parallel world had set her off, pushed her head first over the edge. She thought she had adjusted to life in the TARDIS, life with the Doctor, extremely well. She had learned early on just what kind of sacrifices had to be made. And that even though every life was worth saving, not all of them could be. She had built up her own armor, fashioning it after the very best, the Doctor's. But the parallel world had taken one look at her carefully crafted defenses and shattered them completely.

The alternate version of her mother had been harsh and cold, but Rose had still seen glimpes of her real mum. The Jackie Tyler of the parallel universe had been upgraded, murdered by the cybermen to produce another one of their own. Rose knew it wasn't her actual mother, the proper Jackie Tyler was still safe and at home, but it had been like watching a nightmare happen before her very eyes.

The alternate version of her father had appeared much the same as when Rose had gotten the chance to met him on one of her first trips with her previous Doctor. Only Pete in the parallel world had lived long enough to become successful. None of that mattered. He had denied her, running away the moment she had hinted at the fact that she was his daughter in another universe, in another time. Once again, her father had left her.

Then there had been Mickey. Her best mate...and her safety net. It wasn't until he had decided to stay in the parallel world, locked away from her forever, that she realized just how often she had taken advantage of their friendship. To be fair, he had done the same to her, but it didn't lessen the guilt. Rose knew that staying behind would be good for him, would help him become the man he was always meant to be. She just wouldn't be there to see it.

Rose drew in a shuddering breath and felt tears prick the backs of her eyes. The Doctor's fingers tightened around her wrist. She could feel him watching her, his dark brown eyes weighing her down, judging her. This was it, he was going to take her home. She was showing weakness, an inability to remain indifferent to it all. This was the end of the line.

"Why did you bring me out here?" Her voice was hoarse and she gripped the door frame beneath her even tighter, anger bubbling and popping in her veins. It wasn't fair. If he would have just left her alone, then he wouldn't be seeing her like this. Then maybe she would be allowed to stay.

"I wanted to show you something," the Doctor replied quietly, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand before locking it back around her wrist.

She shivered and felt an urge to yank her hand away. Show her something? What could she possibly want to see floating around in deep space? It was just a reminder of how alone, how isolated she had become. Oh, she had the Doctor. And she knew that she loved him, a powerful all consuming love that would only lend itself to getting her burned badly. He didn't love her. Or if he did, he would never say. It would just be one more thing he kept buried deep, never to be brought to light. She turned to look at him, glaring daggers and ready for a fight.

Her mouth hung open, the rash words meant to inflict pain dying on her lips. His eyes were devoid of the disappointment and judgement she had expected to find. Instead, they were full of a grief and sadness that matched her own. She hadn’t noticed that he had sat down next to her and mirrored her position. His long pinstripe clad legs danced among the stars with her denim covered ones. If only it were that easy. Some days she could pretend that’s what they did, the two of them twisting and twirling among the heavenly bodies...untouchable. The pain she was feeling and the tense lines in his shoulders told her otherwise. They were breakable, just like everything else.

She clamped her jaw shut and swallowed her frustrations. She could at least give him the chance to explain. “What did you want to show me?”

“Oh, um…” the Doctor trailed off and looked away from her. He shrugged his shoulders. “Seems silly now.”

“Tell me,” Rose implored, turning her hand over so she could lace their fingers together.

His gaze fell on their joined hands then slowly traveled up to her face. A slight crease appeared in his forehead as he searched her eyes. Rose tried her best to smile reassuringly, knowing he would still be able to see the turmoil she felt within.

“Alright,” he said with a slight nod. “You see that, up there?” He raised his free hand to point above them.

Rose followed his indication and gasped. She had been so distracted, so absorbed in her inner thoughts, that she hadn’t even noticed. Her gaze had been directed downwards, staring at nothing in particular. She had missed the point. Spread out above them was one of the most beautiful sights she had ever seen. Gas clouds in greens and browns billowed and shimmered against swirls of pinks and deep reds. Rocks and other debris of varying sizes, circled and floated among the bright colors.

“It’s gorgeous,” she breathed, finally able to form words.

There was a beat of silence, the tiniest hint of hesitation, before he whispered, “Yeah.”

She looked at him, the small smile slipping from her face as she realized he was watching her, not the sky above. Heat prickled her cheeks and her heart stumbled in her chest.

The Doctor gave her a shy smile, a sight she had never seen before but that she found quite adorable, then looked back to the sky. Rose watched his profile, the dim light from the gas cloud above casting odd shadows over his face. Even turned slightly away, she could see the suffering that he always carried. She wished she could reach out and wipe it away with a simple stroke of her fingers brushing against his cheek. She shook her head and followed his gaze.

"So...what is it?" She prodded, bumping his shoulder with her own, surprised that he hadn't rambled on about it already.

"It's your solar system. At the very beginning."

She turned back to face him. Of all the places and times they could visit, why here?

"Rose,” he began, meeting her eyes and speaking sadly, ‘Too often we, you and I, come across bad things and try and set them right. And usually we do, usually we can. But sometimes, even if things get turned around for the better...bad things still happen. Death and loss and sacrifice still happen. And it's easy to get swallowed up in that darkness. Easy to stay there and hide away forever, becoming angry and bitter at the universe. Trust me, I know." His eyes unfocused for a moment, reliving every loss that he had experienced.

Rose stared at him, not sure what to say. He was right. About all of it. She remembered how broken and without hope he had been when they first met. Now, even though she still caught glimpses of his past self, his previous pain...it didn't appear to affect him as much as it used to. She liked to think she had helped him heal, even if it was only a little bit.

The Doctor blinked, bringing himself back to reality, back to her. He smiled at her gently and squeezed her hand. "You've done an amazing job, taking it all in and moving on as best you can. But everyone has their breaking point. And I...well, I don't want you to end up like me."

"Doctor, I--"

"I would never forgive myself if I did that to you,” he rushed on, interrupting before she could protest. He pulled on his ear with his free hand and squirmed nervously, once again looking away. “So...I wanted to show you this. Our first...well, our first date, I took you to see your planet burn. I wanted to test you, see how you handled it. I wanted you to feel some small measure of the pain I was feeling. And it was wrong. But you stayed.” He looked back at her, his voice full of awe and his eyes warm and tender. “You helped me move on, helped me see that while I could grieve and regret...that I didn't need to stay hidden in the darkness. So this time, I thought I would show you the beginning. The birth of your sun, your moon, your planet...just to remind you, that even though things end, something new is always starting. With death comes life, and vice versa. You can't have one without the other.” He shrugged and dropped his gaze to their clasped hands. “I just wanted to try and give you some hope, some light...the same way that you’ve done for me."

Tears pooled in Rose's eyes, but this time not from pain or guilt. She was overcome with the implications of his words, of his actions. For all his talk and avoidance, he needed her and she could she that clearly for the very first time. She was so touched that she was afraid words wouldn’t be enough to tell him how much it meant to her. He was offering, he was trying, to be the light in her darkness, to let her lean on him the way he had leaned on and depended on her.

Releasing his hand she threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest, breathing him in and squeezing tightly. After a shocked moment, he wrapped his arms around her and rested his head atop her hair. She stayed there, in the safety of his embrace, and let his presence envelope her, the beats of his hearts steady and soothing against her cheek.

Pulling away, she shifted to sit back beside him, part of her wishing to just stay half in his lap. Her heart raced wildly as he kept one arm around her, his hand resting lightly on her hip. Biting her lip, she snuggled into his side and rested her head on his shoulder. Her eyes travelled the length of their thighs, pressed close together, before rising back to the spectacular view above them.

“But why Earth?” Rose asked carefully, wanting to know but not wanting to push him too far. “You could have shown me the birth of any star...any planet, and it would be just as wonderful.”

“I disagree,” he replied, pulling her hands from her lap into his own and tangling his fingers from one hand awkwardly with the fingers on her two. They still fit perfectly. “This...all of this, leads up to the single most important thing in the universe.”

“What’s that then?” Her voice shook slightly, the sudden shift of her feelings and his actions setting her off balance.

The Doctor went rigid beside her and she had a sinking feeling that she had done just what she had wanted to avoid. Her breath caught in her throat as she felt his nose nudge a stray lock of hair out of the way before placing his lips against her temple. Despite the coolness of his mouth, warmth spread from her head all the way to her toes and she truly felt like she was flying.

The movement of his lips sent shivers down her spine as he mumbled against her skin, “You.”


End file.
